Year 22. Going On New.

Hello all! 1st Thank You Jesus for loving me enough to allow me to live through a whole 'nother year of my life,

deserving or not, and to begin a new one, and live through many more. 2nd, I'm feeling different. Different from all the

other years. All the other birth-days I've experienced. I'm just noticing this :). I feel, normal. Not down, not unhappy.

Not gloomy. But fine. I'm glad about this. I feel satisfied and not full of harsh feelings. Jesus, you have changed me. :').

Yay. I've always asked for something like this, and more. It's not something I will fully explain because 1. It is complex,

And 2. I'm a bit too private to share it. But this day, the day I should always be giving thanks for life and the quality of

it, I was always at a struggle. Always trying, failing; always dying--just a little bit more. Killing myself just a little bit

more--metaphorically of course. But as I said, it's a long story, or is it? Well, it feels long, and if it's short, then that's one

concentrated piece of story. Like strong Turkish coffee. You have to take it in shots, or it'll kill you. LoL.

But the point for today is that that's changed. I don't think I even really, really noticed up until a few moments ago. And

that 's the way it's supposed to be. Effortless, smooth, no trying, no struggle, no mess. And next year, it will be even

better. But I'm not even going to wait until then. I'm going to try to live my whole year22 (and every year thereafter),

the way I've always wanted this specific day to be, and even better. Happy Birthday to me, I have a new age.

This is the start of my new year.


See the rest of you on January 1st, 2010! ;^)


O.F.C.J.

Home for the Holidays. And Feeling Good ;)

Hello everyone!!! How was everyone's (of those who celebrate) Christmas? Well, mine was awesome, even though I slept through most of it (pains had me in the bed and taking Motrins!). But when I did get up, it was nice. We set our first wireless router (Yay!! we have wireless now!!!) and had a big Christmas feast! It was sort of like Thanksgiving's dinner, except it didn't seem to take as long. But that's probably because I slept most of the day away. My littler brother brought us all gifts from school, I think the teachers bought them. I really wasn't expecting anything since I've stopped expecting gifts during Christmas for a few years now. But I was so happy with what he (his teacher?) got me! It was a microfiber plush throw. In red. Now usually, this wouldn't thrill my socks off. But I guess because I wasn't expecting anything, getting something--and something so soft and useful at that--was a thrill!! I was very grateful :). Oh, and mommy got me some clothes. Yay again :)

I love Jesus. So much. I'm really grateful that He was born and died for me so I wouldn't have to die and, well, burn in hell forever. You know? Lol. Seriously though. He's amazing, loving, loooooonnnngsuffering (having me as a daughter, He must be :P) and just a rock solid piece of awesome in all situations. If you don't know Him, you should get to. I think --I know, you'd like Him. ;) Plus, uhh, He's kind of like, madly in love with your soul. Really. Wouldn't you like to know what that feels like? How many people have you been courted by (dated) that you could say that about...? Eeeexactly.

Church today was nice. And now I'm home. Chillin'. And eventually about to watch a movie with the momsies. OH! and here's some bigg-ish news, for me anywho.

I reconciled with my brother a few days ago!!! Yeah, so if you read this post, you have a little bit of background. But not only did I apologize for that situation, but for all my years of being a crappy sister. Soooo many years...*sigh*. WELL!! That's over now. It was awkward. I had to sit him down so we could "have a talk", more-so me talking to him. But it went over very well. He forgave me for all my crappiness. And briefly apologized for his. And now we're cool. Not perfect of course, but cool. And I believe I've just set a foundation for a better, less awkward/hostile future. Yay :).

I did the same thing with my sister this morning. It was more impromptu though, like I hadn't even planned on it at all. wasn't gonna do it since I didn't think it was that necessary. but It came out, I felt the need, and I did it. Once again, us not being the most affectionate family in the world, it was awkward. But I spilled, went off on a tangent a few times, spilled again, repeat, and finished. She accepted, and gave a quick apology too. Lol. So now I'm good. I'm happy I did that. I'm really making efforts to be more loving, no? :))

So my last reconciliation is with...oh yes, my former, "good friend". If you read this post, you have some more background on what went down and, eventually, broke it all apart--which I mention briefly in the post after that one. We talked and came to an ultimate decision for closure, which I later revised. So now, to be fair, instead of just not being friends, we're going to have a sort of friendship counseling--Bible based--while in a cordial stage. Our progress within that stage will decide whether we progress to being friends again. Originally the closure decision was just to be cordial, my suggestion/desire, which he agreed to, though I know it's not what he wanted. But I thought myself a bit unjust for the decision, which is why I revised it to include the best of both worlds, and be the fairest I could be at giving it another try while still keeping my distance until I'm sure.

So yea.
Who says you have to wait 'til new years to start reconciling and changing your life around? AS IF! I'm sooo ahead of the usual curb I set on. And I'm proud of myself. :)

Yah...so. I guess I'm off now!

Oo!! ...P.S. My birthday is on Wednesday...3 days!! Yay! Idk what I'm going to do. Not really expecting any gifts(OK, maybe a surprise/outing/something of some sort.) but sure will be happy if I get some! Hehe.


TTYL ;)



O.F.C.J.

The List

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Hello! I contemplated not crediting this list back to the person I stole it from. ...but then I realized that was wrong, and reconsidered. LoL.

I saw this list on a blog called Live Laugh Love. I liked it and decided to make one; it's called, "Fill in the Blank".

Here goes me....

1. I’ve come to realize that my body. . . Is very beautiful, but not fully manifested because of bad eating habits(skipping meals…a lot…getting better though ;^))

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2. I’ve come to realize that my job. . . Is so much more than to just make good grades, start a nice career, great husband, house, car, and great kids, etc.

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3. I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving. . .it's usually in my dreams/daydreams because I don't drive. Lol

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4. I’ve come to realize that I need. . . A lot of love, guidance, understanding, wisdom, and to be more sensitive to hearing certain things.

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5. I’ve come to realize that I have lost. . . A lot of interest in many of the hobbies I had when I was younger

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6. I’ve come to realize that I hate it when. . .People don't live up to their titles/try to define me/touch my things.

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7. I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk. . . You're probably dreaming because I haven't/don't drink.

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8. I’ve come to realize that money…plays a substantial part of my life, but I think some people love it a little too much. And it's scary.

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9. I’ve come to realize that certain people. . . Just won't turn out the way they should. And sadly, I can't always help that.

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10. I’ve come to realize that I’ll always. . . Be analytical. And that's fine with me.

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11. I’ve come to realize that my sibling(s). . . Tick me off severely at times. But I still would never, ever want anything bad to happen to them, which means I must love them?

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12. I’ve come to realize that my mom… is RiDOCKulously amazing; she rocks hard. And I think God really put a lot of thought into loving me when He was giving me to her.

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13. I’ve come to realize that my cell phone. . . Plays a substantial role in my day-to-day. And will mostly likely continue to be a BlackBerry.

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14. I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning. . . I was more unfocused than I would have liked to be, but have a lot of grace over my life.

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15. I’ve come to realize that last night before I went to sleep. . . I still have a need to be preoccupied with something right up until I fall asleep.

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16. I’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking. . . About why I have such a need to be preoccupied with something right up until I fall asleep.

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17. I’ve come to realize that my dad. . . 's complexities both sadden, marvel and annoy me, yet I love him, and pray for the best.

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18. I’ve come to realize that when I get on Facebook. . . It's because I'm bored and trying to fill in the time by slightly entertaining myself with the thoughts of others, update my stat, or check something.

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19. I’ve come to realize today that. . . I can't stop trying. Hard is not impossible, and I am the definitive factor between fail and win in this journey.

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20. I’ve come to realize that tonight. . . I did something really considerate and kind which made me notice that I have a seed of potential for the love I desire to embody within me. But it's going to be a bit of a challenge getting it all the way out….

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21. I’ve come to realize that tomorrow. . .is a new day, yet many a time it seems so empty, which means I need to continue striving to place my sense of fulfillment in the right place.

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22. I’ve come to realize that I really want to. . .fulfill God's will for my life, be joyful, prosperous, and protected, and make the Rapture.

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23. I’ve come to realize that the person mostly likely to repost this is. . . Interested in sharing things about his/herself

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24. I’ve come to realize that life. . . Has a purpose, and is very amazing, unpredictable at times, and interesting.

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25. I’ve come to realize that this weekend. . . Went by a bit quickly, and was not so bad.

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26. I’ve realized the best music to listen to when I am upset. . . Music that expresses a synopsis of what I'm feeling and the solution to it. Usually Gospel/Christian.

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27. I’ve come to realize that my friends. . . Must be very special and rare people because they are very few. Basically just God right now.

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28. I’ve come to realize that this year. . . Was very intriguing, purposeful, and uhh… eventful. Lol

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29. I’ve come to realize that my husband. . .is out there still. And must be a piece of work if he is the "bone of my bone". "WHOA" to the man that was created as a complement to this chick. Lol. Can't wait to know who…

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30. I’ve come to realize that maybe I should. . . Try harder at goals I set for myself, and ditch fear and some other stuff. They do no good.

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31. I’ve come to realize that I love. . . The idea of loving and being loved, bold, sanctified, secure and as confident and mighty as a fierce unmerciful warrior who already knows she won the battle. Big goals huh? LoL.

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32. I’ve come to realize that I don’t understand. . . A lot of things, and I need more understanding.

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33. I’ve come to realize my past. . . Doesn't need to haunt/hurt me, because old things are washed away (with caustic-generic-bleach-like awesomeness), and all things have become new(-er than a car fresh off the assembly).

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34. I’ve come to realize that parties. . . Are often not my thing because of the cliché "drunk-kids"(including adults) scene, so I have to find others, or throw my own.

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35. I’ve come to realize that I’m totally terrified. . . Of things that will never come to pass. Amen.

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36. I’ve come to realize that my life. . . Is here for a purpose. And nobody can stop it but me and God. And God won't. And neither will I.... So I'm pretty much unstoppable.

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If you decide to make of these lists, comment to let me know if you want, so I can check it out, K?

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Toodles ;) !

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O.F.C.J.

Progressing and Backtracking...and then Getting Back Up Again.

Hello people!! So, what's up? Well, over here the rainy gray and cold weather continues. It's not the cold that bothers me much, but the grayness!! Today was the first day in a while that I saw the sky partially blue. It was beautiful for the time it lasted. The window was let up, the sun was shining on me. It made me so happy for it to be here! It left, but I appreciated it while it lasted.

So. Early early this morning, I made some movement toward not being bored this break--which the idea of being is sometimes starting to drive me up a wall. I used to deal better with it. Hated it still, but just never felt exactly like this before. SO. I went on Meetup.com and found some fun groups, and joined a couple that I found befitting to me. One is for ladies and bonding. It has an event coming up verrry soon. I really wish I can attend!! Sounds like it will be fun. The other one is for single Christians to socially relate, and I assume informally fellowship--a.k.a. getting together and talking about things that pertain to/enrich us while chilling, Lol. It's not a "hookup" group. It is meant for relating with others in a like mind/stage of life, and for that, I appreciate it. Because sometimes it's just so difficult (for me anyway) to find other people like you!!! If you know what I mean. So hopefully this helps. They both looked like they had some serious awesome-potential, which I am looking forward to turning into motion and experiencing. My application to both of them--they were private- is still pending. But I hope they hurry up 'cause I only have less than a month to go here and I wanna have some meaningful fun!! :P :P

In other news.... Since about the beginning of my break I've been trying to be a better Christian. You know, more loving, long suffering, obedient and whatnot. Well. Today I failed. Bad. I definitely snapped on my brother (whom I am mentally working towards being kind and loving to, as he really urks me), and my mother ---OUch. Yes, sue me and slap me with hot water. I snapped on both of them and though I could try to justify it by technical means, it was wrong. As I acknowledged it to God, I remembered that I would have to confront them as well. With my brother, I will include this with my effort of approaching him to have a talk of some kind expressing the changes that need to be made and how I feel...idk yet, something like that. With my mother, I will have to front-facely apologize...though I'm so ashamed I thought about writing a letter instead. But I think I'll tell her. Hhhhaaahhh(sigh). Oh the wages of failure: shame and guilt and having to admit you were stupid. JOLLY!!! Lol. Well, I was, and I should have handled the sitch better, but I definitely didn't. I've been feeling off since this morning and I just let it get to me instead of applying a relevant Word to whatever urk I was feeling and steppin' right along. OK. And the beautiful (doesn't feel that way all the time ) struggle continues :^).

So!!! I'm hoping to cure this Boredom Bug and continue to progress with less trips on my journey. Until I find a solution to the B-Bug, I'm stocking up on episodes of shows I like on my laptop, reading, and praying and delving into the Word.

Later ;)


O.F.C.J.

Breathing Easy, and an Exciting Break...Hopefully... :^\

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Hello peeps. I arrived home about an hour ago from the hospital, where I went and received the great news that my pneumonia is gone. Yay!! Thank you Father. Clear lung X-ray all the way, and no more developing yuckness. BUT...

There is one "illness" that I feel might be--just might be--coming on. The--DUN DUN DUUUN... BOREDOM BUG. Yes people, I feel myself wanting to not be stuck in the house this entire break. Not be by myself despite the fact that I have no friends in the area. Ugh. Times like these I wish I had a car. I would definitely be downtown explorin' it up! And then being in the suburbs of the Atl, you KNOW there's no transit around (not where I stay anyway. Grrrrr). They all but banned MARTA! ARGH. They really weren't thinking about me when they did that. Who knows, maybe I'll fine some Meetup event and venture my way to a new experience that way. Or just travel the downtown's interesting venues to refresh myself.

Because really, when you don't have existing relationships in a city, just how many times can you wander the malls, Atlantic Station, Underground Atlanta, and other cool places by yourself without getting a little bored? Well, if you're me...you can do it for a while. LoL. I enjoy my solitude, so these things can fly with me--for a while and at certain times. But this is not one of those times. I'm faring well in my break so far. But I want it to get better, not worse. And I'm feeling social, so who knows. Hopefully I'll find a way to avoid, or if it turns to late to do so, quickly cure this Boredom Bug I feel coming on.

Hopefully it doesn't come to the desperation of talking to random people on Facebook chat just to get a thrill. Ughhhhh *shudder*. LoL . Jeez, even the font color choices on this blog post thing are starting to bore me. Ha!

So, all you school guys and gals. What are you up to for the break? Is anyone, school or not, suffering-- or feeling the onset of the B Bug?


O.F.C.J.

Midnight/Day Fright, The Cure(Love)...and good Grades :)

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Hello all of you!! How are you today? I hope you are fully well. Somebody has to be! I mean, I am fine. But not before suffering a straight up fear attack. Like scared 'til I'm shaking, kinda paranoid, and my stomach's turning and I have to go use the bathroom scared. ...Yeah. I saw some "2012..." info video on YouTube, and it scared me straight. I didn't sleep well at all. I did a lot of praying though to calm my nerves. I really shouldn't have let it get to me like that, but I don't know. It just did. And I've been shaky since. I'm way better now though. After doing some Bible study when I woke up and a little P&W(praise and worship), I'm way more stable. I just had to take the truth as what it is, truth, coming, but not to be feared by a Child of God (me). That is not to say that I buy the whole "2012" thing, though it did shake me up hard, and have me really thinking about it. Just to say that in truth, whether sooner or later, and by whichever method, the end is near...AND I WANNA MAKE IT!! Lol. I'm mad it had to come to that. That stupid, stupid, video. But I seriously RE-realized that life is too short, and straightened up my act a little more. *Sigh* Thank you Jesus for loving me and for your constant everly awesome reassurance. And no more lame videos for me. :)

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Here's the verse I have chosen to keep to heart: "God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind." - 2nd Timothy 1:7

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Yeah, that "sound mind" part really spoke to me, hehe.

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On to other news. OK, so I finished my finals on Thursday, and the overall final grades for classes came out this morning. And ...I am pleased! My grades deserve a bona-fide YaY! Thank you God for once again another delivered and highly approved semester. I texted them to my mom and she called some minutes later all proud of me. Tee hee. My mom is awesome. And I just felt like I had to say that because, well, she is. I had a talk with her, after congratulating me on my results, concerning my "midnight/day fright" and she did an amazing job at making me feel even better. She is an amazing person and mother. She listened, understood. And then we conversed. It was wonderful. I just poured out my feelings to her and she was receptive, understanding and just good with talking to me about all of it. I'm so glad my mom is godly, kind, has a sense of humor, beautiful, considerate, real, and just plain lovely. I LOVE HERRR!!!!!!! GOSH!!!! She's so freaking awesome =,,) (excuse my Japanese, lol). OK. So. I'm looking forward to getting home. It's rainy, gray, and gloomy here at school and I here it's going to rain at home too but, well, I just need a change of environment altogether now. Hehehe :^P. OK. So, the break has officially started off...since Thursday for me.

My outlook on the break has changed. I was looking forward to some holiday whimsy, a type which it seems I may not get. And then I was dreading going home kind of. Because it's boring to me after but so long. But now, I'm looking forward to it. And I've prayed that it will be extremely purpose-filled and awesome. I look forward to the fulfillment of that wish ;).

Sooooo....what am I feeling right now? Better. Grateful. Thankful. Anticipating. Hopeful.

O.F.C.J.

So much to give thanks for. So much to say.

Hello looooves. I haven't talked on here in a while, eh? Hm. Well, busyness does that sometimes. And so does not feeling like writing.

SO, what's been up...? Hm, well lets see....

On an update from the last post, concerning the "friendship dilemma". I decided to end the friendship. Yep. Days shortly after that event took place, It just still wasn't happening for me, and the concern I'd had hadn't been laid to rest. But seemed more-so tactfully pushed to the side. So I decided to just lay it off. I am still praying about it though, despite my having ended it, that God will guide me to make the best future decision. And as the other party is still showing interest in continuing the friendship--but I am still not, I think it is the best thing for me to do to just lay off and pray until God speaks for me to take some action. Guidance is a good thing :).

Next. Thanksgiving... was interesting, I was sick, which I had been for a week prior and am just getting over now. Thanksgiving was good, sickness was horrible. But I had no idea what it was until I eventually went home for the break on Thursday--yes, I didn't leave school even after it was over until Thanksgiving day (that's when the ride was leaving/had no avail in prior plans for a sooner one). Going home was the medium of my saving grace. I finally went to the hospital and got checked up and an X-ray. And.... It was acute bronchitis with acute fever. Also known as, "cough, cough, hack, pain, ow, hack, sweat." Well, with some antibiotics, and other medicine, I gradually became better until--here am I! No hack, waaaaaay less cough. And no more pain. Yaaayy!


Ok, so last week was the second to last week of school, which makes this one--you got it--the last week of school. This is the first semester of my last year at this university. Yikes! And WoW! But most definitely, Yay! ;) Last week I had some projects, a test, and presentations. All of which were very successful...I hope. I'm still waiting for the result of my test. The rest were As. Thank the Father.

But the biggest thing I dealt with last week came at the end of the week. When I found out students could be exempted from one of my class's finals. I had had no idea. But once I heard about it on Friday, I immediately began to hope that I would be on that list of exempted students. Did I qualify? Possibly. I did well on just about everything in that class, except for one quiz. Oh, and a test that I butchered. There was a little doubt in me.We were to find out before the end of the weekend. Would I be waking up at 6:30 am to take this 8am final, or would I sleep in and bask in my blessing??? =^|

If you receive this message it confirms that you are excused from taking
the final exam for TCGT 1530 because your earned credits total 90% or
above at this point.

There is no need to come to the exam or do anything else for this class.
Have a nice break.

Thank. You. Jesus. THAT is the message I received on Saturday evening. SO now we know. I was so happy and relieved when I got it, I started praising God. After all, He was the one working blessings behind my back. Untold bonus points for performance and such. Hmmm. Father, I love you.

Oh, and just to add a little sugar and spice, remember this occurrence? Yes. This is that class. And as I assumed I would, I did get an A on that presentation. Double "thank you" to the Most High.

SO, moving on to today. I had a final. In fact, I just finished it. A few minutes (like 20-45) ago. How did it go? Weeeeelll, of course you know I studied/prayed about it. But there was something different about his final. I felt peace, comfort. No anxiety--before, on my way to , during, after-- nothing. Just, "Oh. I'm off to take this test. Jolly....falalalala" Lol. I believe I did exceptionally well. And the teacher will post the results up tonight, so I'm waiting for a confirmation to that former statement.
It was actually a pretty cool final. The teacher provided donut-holes and sweet tea. Then she got lightly frustrated no one was taking enough, so as I was doing just that and preparing to leave the class, she gave me a whole box of them. SCORE! Free Donuts! And an "A" (I believe). Lol.

I have one more final this week, making 3 tests I'll have taken in all with the one I took last Monday. It's on Thursday. I think it'll be breezy breeze with a little effort.


What else....well, I guess that's it for now. God has been doing a lot in my life lately, especially in the 'answering of prayers' department. I love it.

I shall be chilling/studying/attending a social for the rest of the week, then on my way home.


Oh, and this weekend was awesome.



O.F.C.J.