Out & About, and Taking Deep Mental Breathes....

Hello :)

I am out at an Indian restaurant right now with my sister. Lately I've been working on forgiving my family for a "lifetime" of making me feel we'll...undervalued, I'll say to be nice. but I'm out right now, with my sister and her friend and kiiind of, just kind of, feeling like maybe I shouldn't have come. As soon as she got home and walked into the room door, things started off on the wrong foot. And it didn't take long for my forgiving spirit to be challenged and for feelings of resentment to start flowing in again. *sigh*. I'm fighting it even now. Their sitting in front of me as I type this msg. Which is rude...but I have to get it out (not to justify it). I just can't handle consistently being around people who are condescending, confrontational, clueless, and so defensive they can't even see outside of their own zone of being "right", which is, of course, wrong. Uhhhg.

So. Right now? What am I thinking? Well I'm in this restaurant and I'm feeling this atmosphere--the decor, and funnily, thoughts of my future living room pop up in my head. You know how you feel can your thoughts and desires? Well, I can feel warmth, I can feel a culture of my own-- a lifestyle I mean, where I'm not in rotation on someone else's plate. It's not like my life is controlled by anyone else right now or anything. It's just different, you know? Having my own space. Now that transportation's not a problem anymore, there's more leeway for things in my life in general. I guess I can get a headstart on that "lifestyle" now, before I get my own place. And then I'll just move it in with me. Lol. Hhhahh. I know I can't take things too fast. But moments like this propel such thoughts. In the meanwhile, I need to buy some new headphones so I can at least block out her music when she plays it in the room. We don't have the same taste of music so.... Yeah. It hurts me to listen to it, lol, but really though. Hhah. Hm. I need to do my Bible study tonight before I go to sleep so I can set my mind on the right track and at ease. I don't want to be on paper-chase mode--that could be dangerous.

This traffic is kinda crazy tonight. I think we're driving through Adams Morgan or I think we're on U street actually (?), on the way home. There're people everywhere walking from place to place. Driving to and fro. Interesting. Hm. Looking at these pretty/posh rowhomes/apartments/condos makes me want one. Random thoughts. Ok. Well I'll talk to you later, I've got some thinking to do. Hhhhah.

Nighty Night ;}


O.F.C.J.